when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now
Not gonna lie some guy literally walked down my road an hour ago drawing faces on everybody’s cars
What a cockmunch
Like, he could have been nice and actually wiped their cars off
but instead he drew faces on them as if to say “I was here and put effort in to do something, but it was something useless.”
Microsoft Excel took a turn for the explicit this week when the Internet learned the once-innocuous office tool was being used in a dispiriting new bro-trend: using the software to track of the number of times their partners refuse sex. Yes, #sexspreadsheets are a thing, presumably because some men still believe that owning of a penis entitles them to unlimited sexy times.
sometimes i just cant believe this is the 21st century
can a ghost and a zombie come from the same person
Is this a comic? This should be a comic.
"no stupid, oh my god. no just… just turn… fuck. don’t wander over there, you’re gonna fall down the… aaand there he goes………….. moron.”
you know when you get out of the cinema and you feel high and drunk or is it just me
SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE A CAN DO ANYTHING AND JUST SO BADASS BUT THEN I JUST SIT IN THE CAR AND QUIETLY GO HOME BUT IN MY HEAD I’M TAKING OVER THE WORLD
SOMEONE HAS FINALLY SAID IT
I fucking love her.
THIS KITTY IS THE CUTEST KITTY OMG, LOOK AT THOSE WHISKERS!
This is a wizard kitten. I can feel it in my whiskers.